Flashing Cameras Click!

Imagine you were getting up and you've realized you're late for work. So you hustle and bustle to get out the door and when you do; there are 10-20 people with cameras all stationed around your car taking pictures of you. And once you fight your way through them and drive away, they get in their cars and follow you. You work a hard eight hours, and come back home exhausted, only to find your front door blocked with a group of people's flashes going off in your face while they scream your name relentlessly over and over. Okay, you're not a celebrity, so this probably isn't a problem for you, but is that even an excuse?

Is it just me or are paparazzi really frightening? When I was in middle school we had a man who was caught in the bushes taking pictures of the students during recess. He was arrested, obviously. But, he wasn't doing anything paparazzi don't do every day. We see videos of people like Lindsay Lohan coming home from a night out, and we say, "OMG! What's that powder stuff coming from her feet?" All I can think is, "OMG! Why the FUCK is someone taking pictures of her at like, 3am, and why the FUCK should I or anyone else care?" I really don't understand this obsession we as a society have towards celebrities. Yes, they are phenomenal liars and entertainers; why should that be so celebrated? I'm pretty sure, back in the day, those were called Jesters.

I mean, if we were to look at it like that, then shouldn't celebrities be beneath us? I mean, their jobs are to entertain us! I should be able to go up to a celebrity and say, "Hey you, make me laugh!" before asking for an autograph. The way we idolize these people is actually sickening. We can convince ourselves that they are prettier, buffer, thinner or fatter that they really are, if it's what it takes for us to treat them like Gods. Who the fuck cares about Katie Holmes!?! What, she had a baby? I see fucking 20 new mothers a day on the subway. Should I be taking pictures of them and their toddlers to post on the internet and comment on their outfits? Should anyone be able to take a picture of anyone they don't know without their permission? Just because they are at a certain point in their career, doesn't make it ok. If I was taking pictures of a woman outside her house, got caught and said, "But she's the CEO of my favorite company!" do you think that's ok?
How come as soon as someone gets famous, we all take it upon ourselves to criticize them? Are they losing weight? Are they gay? Do they love chicken more than fish? Umm, do you not remember who these people were in high school?? We never showed any interest in the Drama Club kids! Is that not exactly what actors do? Arn't 95% of the guys in Drama Club gay? Why do we seem to think the Brad Pitt looking metrosexual celebrity is straight and obviously wants to be with you after you tell him you've watched his movie 25 times a month? Pathetic.

There are SO many people worth spending attention to in this world, who may actually do something other than memorize lines. Scientists, activists even just people suffering from every day problems. Maybe if people took more time to learn and talk to people they can relate to, we wouldn't have countries that can kill they own citizens or deprive them of health care. I think it's time we focus on the courses of our own lives in our own society instead of watching people get paid to talk about whether or not a star got plastic surgery. WHO CARES???? We only live once, and sorry to break it to you, but the world we live in now is FAR from perfect. In fact, we might as well be destroying ourselves. How will life be for our children, or our grandchildren? Wouldn't you rather them be working towards a better future than sitting at home watching Extra while reading Us magazine? Sure, we all need to be entertained, and thinking of the woes of the world all the time is undesirable, but come on! Take that time to learn a new skill, or read a book or just think! There's no way that one day Britney Spears will one day say a statement that solves the all the problems of the world. These people aren't even inspiring! I love movies just as much as the next, but all this Star Watching shit is a huge waste of time. Don't do it. Life is full of so much! Why waste it on a pretty face?

Good GOD! (A.K.A. New Moon)

Yesterday I started watching New Moon. Started, because I was finding it VERY difficult to continue watching the whole thing in one sitting. I know I'm one of the biggest Twilight haters, so you must be thinking, "Why would you even watch it?". Well, Twilight doesn't seem like it's going away, and since I've read all the books I might as well add the movies, even if it's just more fodder for me to rant. But, about 10 minutes into the movie, I regretted it. Not only was the acting beyond horrible, it made me feel crazier and crazier each minute that ANYONE could even REMOTELY enjoy this CRAP. So, as I analyzed each expression and word emitted by the most terrible two actors I have ever had the misfortune of watching, I began to realize something; I'm really lucky, and here's why. I can actually look at Bella and Edward's relationship and know, without a doubt, that that's not real love. And the only reason is because I AM in real love, and when you're in real love Twilight is a joke. But to any intelligent person, that's inevitably obvious. But this is about the first part of the movie I painfully sat through, so here's my two cents!

The movie starts with Bella dreaming she's as old as her grandmother due to the fact that today is her birthday and she turns one year older than Edward! Her dad gets her a sick pale pink digital camera and a photo book and she shows her lovely side by saying, "Thanks (I guess), it's actually kinda nice." Her dad jokes that she has a grey hair, so she runs to the mirror to check and is seriously peeved he even said that!
"Very funny Dad! (insert Kristen's signature heave)"
So, she goes to school and she says to her friends, "My mom wants me to take pictures and make a scrapbook thing." (Gee, isn't that lame? She can't even be like PICTURE! and pull out her camera, it has to be her stupid mom's idea)
Then Edward's car pulls in and her friends are like, Oh great, Edward's here so I guess that means we have to leave. And when they do, she just gazes dreamily at his big SUV (UPGRADE!) and watches him walk all slow motion-like towards her. Firstly, I actually laughed when he came out. What is up with his face?? He looks like a clown that forgot the red lipstick!
Anyways, they go inside and have the most awkward exchange ever caught on tape with Alice and Jasper, and I wonder how that got in the final print cause Kristin totally BOTCHES her line delivery. It doesn't even make sense but, in Twilight style, they just move on to the next scene. Let's see if she can fuck this one up too.
The next scene is them in class watching Romeo & Juliette, and everyone is TOTALLY into it, crying and all cause that's how highschool boys are. But, surprisingly, Kristen isn't the worst actor in the scene...it's ROB! He cannot even hold his head in a convincing manner! I know he's supposed to be a vampire, but he's so stiff and awkwardly posing continuously that it would be impossible for everyone at their highschool not to think he was some kind of freak. He recites Shakespeare and GOOD GOD is it HORRIBLE!!! You can just see the memorized words swimming in front of his eyes, and he starts having a blink seizure that people usually get when they're really nervous...on film. Like, he's an actor!!! If you can't say lines....? Not only that but...doesn't anyone notice that he's probably the first British actor I've seen that totally sucks at doing a western accent? I can hear him fucking it up and saying things wrong with a little British flair. He talks like he went to Little Italy and thought everyone talked like that, but then when he arrived on set and realized that they don't, he combined the two. Kristen displays her best acting I've seen yet when she's watching on as Rob stumbles through Shakespeare. Maybe because it required no emotion, and she didn't have to open her mouth. I was impressed.

I'm gonna go right to the scene when Edward tells Bella he's leaving her forever. This also surprised me and made me come to a conclusion: Rob is a worse actor than Kristin! (If that's even possible) And now, I'm thinking she might just be so bad cause she's being influenced by him. Cause once she starts hanging out with Jacob, she's not even bad! She's actually, dare I say it? NATURAL! Very surprising.
So, I only got the part when Bella and Jacob see them naked boys jumping off the cliff, but up to then Kristin unleashes her super attractive and intense exhale/heave thing about 7 times. Yeah, I counted.

The funniest part, I think, was when she's in the forest after Edward leaves and she falls. HAHA! The fall was just SO unconvincing, and while she's on the ground, it's like she almost forgot that she was supposed to still be acting? She lying there like she's supposed to be lying there, you know? Like someone said, Okay Kristin, you're supposed to be on the ground now, and she does it. She's fiddling with her hair and adjusting herself when she's supposed to be fainted. Wow. Just wow. And of course, the part where she goes to Edward, "It's still my birthday. Kiss me." OMG probably the worst acting fail of generations were displayed in those two words. Damn, she is so uncomfortable to watch my body actually started to ache and stiffen. And the fact that she's as equally uncomfortable in interviews in real life makes it even worse. Her "Bella" is just her! She is not acting at all. You know why? BECAUSE SHE CAN'T!

So, I will torture myself more tonight and attempt to watch some more of this atrocity. I really hope someone who loves Twilight reads this and tries to validate their reasons why Twilight is even decent. That would be awesome. Till then, I shall continue to review this movie, whether it takes me 3 or 4 times, I'm determined. I will not let our standards of talent fall so far without a fight!

The Celebration of Mediocrity

Never in my life did I think I`d have to live in a world were as early as 16, I felt positive I was much more intelligent than most people in the world. When you generate an opinion, obviously you feel more right than the person who`s against you, but sometimes things are EXACTLY as you see them. It used to be that you had to have considerable talent at something for someone like me to hear about you. Now, that is NOT the case. Especially with entertainers, it seems the focus has changed from raw talent, to looks, riches of family influence. Here are a list of people I can name when I shouldn`t EVER been able to.

1. Kim Kardashian

She's rich, beautiful and famous. But WHY? Here's why: after Paris Hilton, people were becoming famous left and right for their lifestyles. She has money, a big ass, and a sex tape. She is very lucky she's so pretty too. Have you heard her talk? Good god! Oh yes, and she's in one of those horrible parody movies where she shows off the fact that she does indeed have absolutely no talent. I think the way she has committed to that fake, stupid and vapid voice is pretty impressive though.

2. Paris Hilton

Not too long ago, she would be #1 on this list, no question. Now, I wasn't even going to include her. Yes, she got famous for no reason too. But after the sex tape and reality show, Paris either stepped up her game, or it was just the presence of Kim Kardashian that made me see that really, she's not so bad. I mean, if you can upstage Paris Hilton in mediocrity...enough said. But, that still doesn't change the fact that Paris Hilton shouldn't be known as more than a relative of the Hilton Hotel founder. The End.

3. Britney Spears

I'm not gonna say I don't think she's worked hard or anything, and I love her songs, but when Britney Spears went into that audition to become a recording artist, they should have said no. She just does not have the vocals. Another example of when vanity comes before talent.

4. Miley Cyrus

I bet if all of our parents gave us the opportunity to have our own show we'd discover that we might be okay at acting and singing. That doesn't mean it should be our career. And maybe her parents should have taught her common decency before they unleashed her into the world. Please know that putting your shoed feet on other people's furniture, even during an interview, is never okay. Learn some manners girl! She still needs a good spanking.

5. Kristen Stewart

I truely believe she should be number one, but she puts in a bit more work than the others so...at least there's that. But the truth is, her father has a lot of power in the showbiz industry, which is why she's an actor. But really, acting, I hope, is the thing she is WORST at. Never have I seen such an awkward person on screen. Never have a heard anyone execute lines so mechanically. I took drama class every year of highschool, and I've still never seen acting that bad. The fact that she is getting paid so much actually makes me angry. Has UNDESERVING ever been better applied?

6. Megan Fox

Everyone can see that you are very pretty, so please, be a model. Don't act.

7. George W. Bush

He's a great example of kids getting it all with the influence of their parents. His, however, is the most extreme case. There are so many things wrong with this man, that I'll have to save it for a post of his own. But I don't even need to list off any reasons why he should have never been president. OK, maybe one: He never legitimately won the first election. That's a big enough reason, but still not as big as what he did AFTER he won.

8. Nicolas Cage

A lot of people are gonna disagree with me on this one, but he can't act for shit. The only time he is watchable is when he's playing a character full of awkward quirks and ticks. Any other time he is incapable of emotion, and his eyes look like he's looking at something far, far away. There's nothing captivating there. And he is also a line butcher like Kristen Stewart; the original.

9. Elisabeth Hasselback

I know why she's famous! She's the poster child for the stupid, uninformed religious American. She's relatable to people who aren't famous and are not smart. If you've ever seen the View and have an IQ over 50, then you'll agree. You could mark at least two quotes each show to which she says something incredibly stupid that makes no sense. Smart blondes must love her.

10. Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart's partner in crime: The complete mockery of the art of acting. Look kids, you don't have to be good at something to have a career in it. Seriously, people are actually willing to pay you any amount of money for your "work"? Fuck you.

So that's the end of my list for now. There are so many others that I can't think of but I'll be sure to keep my eye out. And I did leave out most Disney stars for a reason: there's too many, and they all have the same lack of talent. That seems to be the 'in' thing right now. Oh, and they all have CD's when none of them can sing. i Carly? WHY?

Angelina Jolie

In honour of Angelina Jolie's birthday, I thought I'd write a little bit about my view of adoption, celebrities and charity. First off, I'm gonna say that Angelina is my favorite celebrity. Although I hate to admit how much the average person seems to know about celebrity lives, it's something we just can't get away from. And if I have to know about any of them, I'd like it to be her. Here's why:
1. She's beautiful.
I don't know her, have never talked to her and probably never will. But she is one hell of a person to look at. She is probably the most beautiful person I've seen. Along with Megan Fox. I guess that gives you an idea of my 'type'.

2. She adopts!
I never understand how people can make fun of her and Brad Pitt for having so many children. I don't understand why ALL celebrities don't adopt. They have all that money and could make any child's life so happy. She's said she never planned on having any kids of her own and just wanted to adopt all kinds of different kids. There are so many needy children in this overpopulated world, so I'm glad someone shares my views on this. I find it almost selfish to be having only biological children if you could support an already existing child. It's not fair that one child is produced with the knowledge that they will always to pampered and loved while another is born not knowing if they'll get food or water that day.

3. She donates.
Angelina gives the most out of her paycheck than anyone else since Michael Jackson, to charity. She's also part of the U.N. And she's even said that she believes actors are grossly overpaid. My kind of girl.

4. Poise and Class
Not for one second do I believe that she 'stole' Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. And even if she did, she has succeeded in beating Aniston in looking classy and respectful. Aniston, you are an ACTOR. Stop talking about Angelina in your interviews, cause it makes you look very pathetic. Your marriage didn't work out. Guess what, 50% of married people go through the SAME THING. Plus, everytime you bring it up, people compare you to Angelina. You should NEVER want a picture of you placed beside Angelina. Trust me.

I just think Angelina is a beautiful person, inside and out. And if her and Brad falling in love is the reason why she's hated then...that just shows you the ridiculous way of the world. She does so much more good than all these people with the extreme power to also do so but don't. So, kuddos to her. Happy Birthday

The Canadian Perception

Nearly every American cartoon show touches on it, and it's always practically the same. We Canadians are hockey loving, dog-sled riding Canucks who eat Canadian bacon and Beaver Tails constantly. We mispronounce 'about' and have to deal with living in a vast, frozen tundra. We are connected to arguably the most infamous country in the world and yet, even they know NOTHING about us. I was on Lamebook and an American teenager confessed that he hadn't even known Canada was a country. How is that possible? But sadly, it's true; Canada is probably one of the best and unknown countries in the world, joining the likes of countries such as Denmark and Iceland. So, being the proud Canadian that I am, I'd like to clear up a few pesky rumours.

1.The Canadian Accent...eh.
Canadians say eh, just like the English say right and the Americans say huh. It's not a very common thing you hear, but because we're known for it, when we do say 'eh' it's pretty funny. But I've been born and raised in Canada and NEVER have a heard anyone talk in an accent resembling the one we're "known" for. Maybe in Newfoundland or something but...nope. NEVER. (That includes the South Park accent too! And no, unfortunately we don't say 'guy' and 'buddy' all the time.) And no one says 'aBOOT'.

2. Hockey Lovers
What was I gonna say? Oh yeah, this one is completely and utterly...true. I think it's a pride thing. We don't have alot of things that are dominated by Canadians.

3. Igloos, Dogsleds and horrible weather
This may surprise some people but all of this is untrue! In fact, we have much better weather than about 50% of the states. Not only do one of the states get the first snowfalls every year, but in Toronto we never had one day with snow on the ground this winter. I know it was rare but that just shows you we're not as cold as you think. And I don't live in an igloo- nor have I ever seen one in real life. However, we do use dogsleds instead of cars here. AHHH got cha!

4. Our Health Care sucks
Our health care rocks! Watch Sicko. You know every single issue that they bring up in that movie? In Canada; nonexistent.

5. We're all a bunch of Frenchies
Saying all Canadians are like French-Canadians is like saying all Americans are like the ones on Maury. Or in Texas. Or Alabama. Or Bill O'Reilly. They sure do have a lot more deplorable examples than we do. (or Jessica Simpson)

6. Our diets consist of Canadian bacon, Maple syrup, Beavertails and beer.
I've had one Beavertail in my life. The rest is true. We love our beer, and every Canadian kid is able to say they've been on a Maple Syrup making field-trip. But, for the record, we do eat and drink other things - like Tim Horton's!

I hope that clears up some things, and I'm sure they are alot more misconceptions I don't even know about. And for the kids suffering from the American education system:
Canada is a country. Our capital is Ottawa but our best known city is Toronto. We have provinces, not States, and a Prime Minister, not a President. And to you, we are NOT overseas. (cough Britney Spears cough cough)

Just For Fun...

I know not everyone agrees with my views on weed, but here are a list of people who, at one point in time, regularly smoked weed that may surprise you.
-Willie Nelson (Country Musician)
-Dave Chappelle (Comedian)
-Bob Marley (Musician)
-All of The Beatles (The most successful band of all time)
-Stephen King (Shares the title of the richest author in the world with J.K Rowling)
-Bill Maher (Comedian and T.V. host just to name a few)
-Carl Sagan (Astronomer, Astrophysicist, Cosmologist and Author)
-Bill Gates (Founder of Microsoft)
-George W. Bush (Former President)
-Barack Obama (President of the United States)
-Arnold Schwarzenegger (Actor and Body Builder turned Governor)
-Montel Williams (T.V. Host)
-Brad Pitt (Actor)
-Quentin Tarantino (Film Maker of classics like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill)
-Ted Turner (Founder of CNN)
-Michael Bloomberg (Mayor of New York City)
-Michael Phelps (Olympic Gold Medalist - also winner of the most Gold Olympic Medals in history)
-Rick Steves (T.V. host and writer of travel guides)
-Sir Richard Branson (Founder of the Virgin Empire)

So if you think potheads don't contribute positively to society-think again! :)