The Slow and Painful Death of a Language

I know we all have email and cellphones now that make communicating a lot easier, but the act of speaking out of your mouth face to face with another human being is my preferred form of communication. Having a blog, I feel I should write everything out just as I would say it, and that's PROPER. I'm not totally against the use of slang, because in some ways it really has progressed our language, as well as the fact that different slang words can personify a certain era in time or a certain group of individuals. But, as of late, the average person has had to witness the complete butchery of the English language. It's to the point now that I cannot even understand people when they talk, and their first and ONLY language is ENGLISH! And the thing that horrifies me the most is, this is not rare; it's common! And not only common, but it's gone so far that people couldn't even pull out the actual proper way of speaking if they had to - because they don't know how! And despite what every rapper tells me, sounding like an idiot is not attractive AT ALL.

The decline in our language is a huge representation of society today; lazy and stupid. There are some who don't seem to find it to be as big a deal as I think it is. I don't wanna be that person who has troubles following a conversation because I'm trying not to keep tally of all the grammatical errors. So, I'm just gonna point out a couple of language rules that you fluent English speakers probably don't know, or don't care to practise.

1. The use of the word 'unique'
Think of the word unique like the word first. You cannot be the "most first" at anything, nor can you be "really first". You are either first or not. Same with unique. As well as infinite, complete and other definite words. Saying the "most unique" is like saying the "most dead". It's wrong.

2.Imaginary Words
These words are used so often, you'd never think that they actually don't exist!
-Hung. This is slang at it's finest. The only recently accepted way to use this word i, if you're "hung" up on someone, or you're talking about a man with a large penis. If you wanna say,"I hung up the phone," or, "He hung himself," you are wrong. It's "hanged". I hanged up the phone just as the man hanged himself. Just like "banged" isn't "bung".
-Brang. I had to look this one up, because I don't see how anyone could think this was a word, or come across a time when they feel they need to use it. But I guess someone might say something like, "Yesterday I had a party and Mary brang the dessert." HAHA...do I even need to correct this? (By the way, it's BROUGHT for those unfortunate enough not to know.)

3. You, I and me
I think most of us know this but find it easy to screw up. But you'd be surprised how many times I see on T.V. talk shows and even scripted shows where they're reading off of pre-written cue cards and still manage to get it wrong. Here's an example of how we commonly get mistaken in speech.
"Me and my friend went to the mall."
"The homeless man jumped right in front of my friend and I."
The easiest way of spotting an incorrect sentence is to take out the second person, so then it becomes,
"Me went to the mall." and "The homeless guy jumped right in front of I."
Doesn't really make sense does it? So, let's get it right people! Especially if your on T.V., cause it really makes you look retarded to someone with any kind of intellect.

4. Abbr. that make no sens.
This is basically absent in Canada (thank heavens!), but in America certain States use the term "Ya'll". So, going along with the rules of English, that would mean "ya'll" means "you all". And "you all" obviously must be used when addressing more than one person! So, am I the only one that finds it troubling that Dr. Phil ALWAYS says "ya'll" when addressing one person? Like, okay her and who? Who else are you talking to? Are you sure that "Dr." title isn't just a load of bullshit. Wait no, you got your diploma in the U.S.A. Ah, that makes more sense.

5. Mispronouncing
I admit, English isn't the easiest language to learn....when you have a different first language. For anyone who was born and raised to speak English first, there's hardly an excuse. So, some words can be tricky because how they are spelt and how they are said are sometimes nearly foreign to English usually because they are derived from another language. So let's go through a few that are commonly misused.
Foyer: is a French word we associate with the entrance space of a house. But, it is NOT said as it's spelt. In French, a word ending in "er" is actually pronounced A. Not ahhh but actually saying the letter A. So its foy-ay. Not foy-er. Never foy-er. Just don't do it, it's really stupid. Like calling a croissant a crescent. Oh, that's another one. Its Cra-saw...kinda. It's hard to spell out but trust me, I've studied French for over 6 years. It's kinda like saying Cra-song but cutting the G sound very short.
Mischievous: Mis-che-vous. Not mis-chee-vee-us. Miss-che-vis. Got it?
Colonel: Okay, this one even had me confused, and I can honestly think of no reason why it's even spelt or said like this at all. Maybe at first it was supposed to be pronounced Col-o-nel...but it's actually kernal. KERNAL. Yeah...i dunno. There's not even one R.

6. I don't like "U"
This is the one that gets to me the most because the U.S. has gone and made it official: they can't speak or write English if their lives depended on it because, they're dictionaries carry a whole new way to spell words from one of the most intricate and established languages in the world. Basically they went and fucked up something that was already accepted and used in many countries of the world because they can't process the letter "U" for some unknown reason. This list is endless, but here are a bunch of words that were stupidly changed for a bunch of stupid people:
Colour. (U.S. version = color)
Favourite to favorite
Honour to Honor
Unnecessary? Yes, very much so. Only in America can you teach your people a language wrong when everyone else is being taught the same language properly. How embarrassing!

7. Mr. Bush, you're wrong!
George W. Bush is a perfect example of American education gone wrong. Nearly every word that's not extremely simple is mispronounced by this guy. But hey, you don't have to know how to speak the only language you've ever been taught to run a country. Obviously that has no significance to your intelligence. Geez. Anyways here's some blunders:
- New-Cue-Lar. You'd think he'd at least try and learn a word he used as often as this one, but...no. So if YOU wanna say it and not look like a dumb ass, its pronounced New-Clear. That's it. Much simpler, and now that you hear it, doesn't it make more sense?
-Eye-Rack. So, apparently when Americans see a word that starts with I, they totally forget what to do with it. Oh and that's "it", not Eye-t. Er-rack. Err as in "ir" remember? It's a fir tree not a fire tree right? So Eye-rack makes no sense at all and just makes you look like you can't read.

8. Redundancies
Making redundancies doesn't make your point sound stronger, but makes you look like a fool. Just like you can't "rewind it back" (since the word rewind already implies going back), here are some common flubs.
Irregardless. Regardless means not regarded. For irregardless to make sense, it'd have to mean with regards. It's like saying shes anti-antisocial. Which means she is social? Do you think other languages have people fucking it up this bad? We really killed it dead.

So, if this has opened your eyes any bit, make sure you practise it and learn how to speak. In this day and age we don't have to settle for anything less than correct. And once you know the language, THEN you can alter it and slang it up all you want. But if there's ever a point in your life when you'll have to speak in front of people who expect the right usage of the English language, there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn't be able to.

The Celebration of Mediocrity

Never in my life did I think I`d have to live in a world were as early as 16, I felt positive I was much more intelligent than most people in the world. When you generate an opinion, obviously you feel more right than the person who`s against you, but sometimes things are EXACTLY as you see them. It used to be that you had to have considerable talent at something for someone like me to hear about you. Now, that is NOT the case. Especially with entertainers, it seems the focus has changed from raw talent, to looks, riches of family influence. Here are a list of people I can name when I shouldn`t EVER been able to.

1. Kim Kardashian

She's rich, beautiful and famous. But WHY? Here's why: after Paris Hilton, people were becoming famous left and right for their lifestyles. She has money, a big ass, and a sex tape. She is very lucky she's so pretty too. Have you heard her talk? Good god! Oh yes, and she's in one of those horrible parody movies where she shows off the fact that she does indeed have absolutely no talent. I think the way she has committed to that fake, stupid and vapid voice is pretty impressive though.

2. Paris Hilton

Not too long ago, she would be #1 on this list, no question. Now, I wasn't even going to include her. Yes, she got famous for no reason too. But after the sex tape and reality show, Paris either stepped up her game, or it was just the presence of Kim Kardashian that made me see that really, she's not so bad. I mean, if you can upstage Paris Hilton in mediocrity...enough said. But, that still doesn't change the fact that Paris Hilton shouldn't be known as more than a relative of the Hilton Hotel founder. The End.

3. Britney Spears

I'm not gonna say I don't think she's worked hard or anything, and I love her songs, but when Britney Spears went into that audition to become a recording artist, they should have said no. She just does not have the vocals. Another example of when vanity comes before talent.

4. Miley Cyrus

I bet if all of our parents gave us the opportunity to have our own show we'd discover that we might be okay at acting and singing. That doesn't mean it should be our career. And maybe her parents should have taught her common decency before they unleashed her into the world. Please know that putting your shoed feet on other people's furniture, even during an interview, is never okay. Learn some manners girl! She still needs a good spanking.

5. Kristen Stewart

I truely believe she should be number one, but she puts in a bit more work than the others so...at least there's that. But the truth is, her father has a lot of power in the showbiz industry, which is why she's an actor. But really, acting, I hope, is the thing she is WORST at. Never have I seen such an awkward person on screen. Never have a heard anyone execute lines so mechanically. I took drama class every year of highschool, and I've still never seen acting that bad. The fact that she is getting paid so much actually makes me angry. Has UNDESERVING ever been better applied?

6. Megan Fox

Everyone can see that you are very pretty, so please, be a model. Don't act.

7. George W. Bush

He's a great example of kids getting it all with the influence of their parents. His, however, is the most extreme case. There are so many things wrong with this man, that I'll have to save it for a post of his own. But I don't even need to list off any reasons why he should have never been president. OK, maybe one: He never legitimately won the first election. That's a big enough reason, but still not as big as what he did AFTER he won.

8. Nicolas Cage

A lot of people are gonna disagree with me on this one, but he can't act for shit. The only time he is watchable is when he's playing a character full of awkward quirks and ticks. Any other time he is incapable of emotion, and his eyes look like he's looking at something far, far away. There's nothing captivating there. And he is also a line butcher like Kristen Stewart; the original.

9. Elisabeth Hasselback

I know why she's famous! She's the poster child for the stupid, uninformed religious American. She's relatable to people who aren't famous and are not smart. If you've ever seen the View and have an IQ over 50, then you'll agree. You could mark at least two quotes each show to which she says something incredibly stupid that makes no sense. Smart blondes must love her.

10. Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart's partner in crime: The complete mockery of the art of acting. Look kids, you don't have to be good at something to have a career in it. Seriously, people are actually willing to pay you any amount of money for your "work"? Fuck you.

So that's the end of my list for now. There are so many others that I can't think of but I'll be sure to keep my eye out. And I did leave out most Disney stars for a reason: there's too many, and they all have the same lack of talent. That seems to be the 'in' thing right now. Oh, and they all have CD's when none of them can sing. i Carly? WHY?