Please, Edward Me

Just came across a blog today that was talking about how Twilight ruins lives. Apparently girls who don't deserve to be called woman are actually leaving their relationships because it pales in comparison to the perfect Edward Cullen. Wait...are you kidding me?!?!? No joke, a guy made a comment that said he'd been with his girlfriend for 7 years! and they had just bought a house together until....TWILIGHT! dum dum dummmm! Which made her leave him. Another guy wrote he was scared because his girlfriend was reading Twilight and would regularily question him with things like, "Why aren't you more like Edward?" or, "Why can't you be romantic like Edward?" and even, "Why don't you have golden eyes and sparkling skin like Edward?" I am forever confused.

For anyone out there who actually knows and loves literature, I beg of you to go and read Twilight and tell me what you think, because I am beginning to feel like a crazy person. Not only is the entire events portrayed garbage, the writing! Oh god the writing is SOOOOOOOOOOO sososososososoooo BAD! But of course, that doesn't matter to too many people when Edward is saying things like, "Look after my heart; I've left it with you."
This book is basically the insecure girl's BIBLE. Of course you're super hot and desirable by everyone when you've been convinced your entire life that you're ugly, plain and out of shape. Of course everyone wants to be your friend when you were thinking you've never had friends before due to your lack of personality. And of course the hottest guy will have waited 100 years for you, is super rich, ever-lasting and, most importantly, prefers brunettes. What? A man who isn't attracted to good looking peole with fun personalities? I guess there is someone out there for me! (Says the millions of 13 year old girls everywhere)

The fact that Twilight is a love story and is most popular with adolescent kids says a lot to me. The book never one time shows any real example of love. And they are so BORING! Edward talks like an Encyclopedia. "Oh Bella, I've noticed that you are menstrating, and I was pondering whether or not it'd be appropriate if I could extirpate the blood throughout the entire process...into my mouth."
"Edward, you're not supposed to know I have a vagina! God, I'm so embarrased."
"If I could dream, I'd dream of you. I'm not ashamed."
That conversation has more substance than any in the book though. Oh well, I guess creativity can only be lowered a certain amount on request. Damn.

I thought reading the books was bad, but this obsession every teenage girl feels towards it is driving me insane. We get it, your going through puberty, you're at the stage where you hate and doubt yourself, yet at the same time you're horny, and ashamed of being horny. A guy like Edward coming along giving you the idea that you have a chance at anything like him is obviously very appealing to people who:
1. Have never been in love (and in a relationship that verifies that love)
2. Have never had sex (real sex with someone who loves you back)
3. Have never been happy with their looks and body (!!!!!!!!)
And unfortunately, this relates to A WHOLE LOT of people. This is what our world is comprised of. Scared? I am. Seriously, I really am. I know I've got some serious worries when I can read something like, "When he told me his doctor's name was Cullen, I instantly thought of 22 different ways I could injure myself." or "I used all my college money to buy a Volvo. My parents don't know."

Twilight doesn't just ruin lives. It is single-handedly diminishing the intelligence of millions.