A couple years ago I saw this article in the newspaper about these girls that were so excited because the last book of the Twilight series was coming out. They were all dressed up in weird fairy costumes dancing around and they were ALL girls. And in the interview someone had the audacity to say that Twilight was the NEW Harry Potter. Needless to say, this invoked some strong emotions in me since I am the biggest Harry Potter fan to ever live. I'm also a huge bookworm so I was kinda excited. A book being compared to Harry Potter? I thought it must be EXTREMELY good to ever be mentioned in the same sentence with my dearest Harry Potter. So what did I do? I went out and bought the first twilight book, took it home, and read it. And then I read the next one. And the next. I read all of them, and the only thing that got my through it was the HATE! I COULD NOT believe it! Not only were the books boring, predictable and totally sickening, they were so poorly written! I had to check the back and see who the hell wrote this mess! I still don't believe that Stephanie Myers even went to University. I mean, surely not! How this book even got published...! It just beats me. Anyways, while I was reading the books I would constantly take breaks just to turn to my boyfriend and rant about everything wrong with...everything! First of all, let's take the very under-developed character of Bella, who seems to have no need for a personality. She moves in with her Dad in a new town and is worried because she's never had friends and she's described as a "soft" person who hates exercise. And the word "soft" was ACTUALLY used. So at first you get an image of this average, rolly polly girl with no friends. Ok, fine nothing wrong with that. But then, when she goes to school...EVERYONE loves her and unrealistically fights to be her friend. Okay...wait what? It's all explained with the fact that her dad's a cop there so...I mean obviously all the teenagers would be bending over backwards to be the cop's kids friend. Hmmm? Then comes Edward the super stalker who is also a Mormon in disguise. He hates music? and only listens to classical and declares that the worst musical eras are the 60's and 70's. Right there I knew I didn't like this guy, even before you find out he watches Bella in her sleep before they've even uttered one word to one another. So the hottest guy in the town falls for the boring loser which in turn makes her even more boring and an even bigger loser. She decides to rebel against her overly nice father-who, by the way, gave her a CAR- and ditch all of her friends to hang out with Edward and have pillow talks about how much they love each other. Yup, seriously that's basically as fast as how it happenes. I like you. I like you too. Now let's talk about how we'll love each other forever and die together. I don't care that your a ...*gasp* gay vampire. Yes, a gay vampire. Because only a gay vampire would live for over a century, never getting laid and going back to highschool over and over again. Then the rest of the series gets complicated with the Volturi wanting to eat the soft loser because she knows too much! So in each book there's a build up of bad guys going- I'm gonna get her! and then at the last minute Bella passes out and when she wakes up...everythings solved! Like...WHAT!? I mean, I can't say that Twilight is a bad idea because it's great idea. There's so much she could have done with it..but did not. First, it's a slap in the face for any self respecting woman with an inkling of self esteem. She leaves her entire life for this guy. The first people to befriend her in her life, her dad, her mom! And in the second book he leaves her and theres like 50 blank pages for the 3 months that she's all depressed in. Even her dad's like...it's like your dead. Is it really THAT bad? That you won't get murdered by a gang of vampires while putting a whole family of gay vampires in danger. You have a new car, new friends! Oh wait, sorry you ditched them in the first book! Boo hoo! So instead of trying to get over herself, she starts to hallucinate about Edward to make herself believe that he's watching everything that she does. *PUKE* What if he didn't come back?- some may ask. Well, there is no doubt in my mind that she would kill herself and most of the world would rejoice. But unfortunately...oh wait he doesn't! she has to go get him cause he thinks shes dead. Too bad. But the rest of the series is the same..throw in a werewolf who's supposed to bring some drama but doesn't because oddly enough...he's the only person that makes sense in the whole series, so all he adds is some good burns on Bella for what a big retard she is. But he likes her? Why...I cannot say. Then the whole things ends with a big throw down with the volturi. But, a final fight scene that could save the series doesnt happen because?? Vampire Bella uses a force sheild and they all scatter so she can live happily ever after with her baby with the most ridiculous name and super Mormon stalker. The End. Oh, and of course the soft, plain girl ends up looking like a "super model" with her new vampire DNA. Is it just me or does this whole thing scream pathetic loser to you. I just know that the author is a fat loser who probably married her first boyfriend and has no concept of love and relationships. And alot of the dialogue makes no sense, as if this author doens't have a lot of experience talking to people or having close friends. Like, when Bella and Edward are married and come back from their honeymoon, Emmet makes very tame jokes about them having sex and they get super embarrased and angry and they have a "serious" arm wrestle so that Emmet wont be allowed to ever mention sex to them again. And I couldn't make this shit up. Anyways, I feel much more obligated to rip on Twilight since I actually read all the books but, I could go on forever so I'll make this Part One. So, in conclusion, Harry Potter wins. Twilight is BY FAR the WORST book I have EVER read in my WHOLE life. That includes everything unpublished I've ever read, including bad essays by highschool students I've had to edit. HOrrible.
By the way: all Twilight books read by me after the first were downloaded, NOT purchased.
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